Did I Make a Mistake?
And other thoughts I used to have about my marriage……
⧋ "Did I make a mistake?"
⧋ "Why doesn't he just get me?"
⧋ "Can't he see how important this is for me?"
Honest thoughts I have had about my husband early in my married life.
I always thought the problems we were having were because he was unwilling to change and see my point of view.
Some of the things that was actually happening:
➳I was scared to ask for things I wanted because I assumed I was wrong to want those things (came from years of being told that I was impulsive and a spender).
➳If he didn't see or agree with my point of view, I felt small (came from being bullied as a child)
➳Any disagreement we had where I felt very passionate about something, I couldn't move ahead without his permission which made me angry (came from being raised to never question your elders).
Every problem we had in our marriage, every disagreement we had, every conflict we faced, I brought my fears, painful memories and insecurities to confirm my beliefs of:
"no one understands me"
"I am not heard"
"I have to seek permission"
"what I want is wasteful"
Fast forward to yesterday, where I was driving home, tired and I thought:
⧫ I am so lucky to be married to him
⧫ He is so thoughtful
⧫ I am so grateful to have him in my life
So what changed?
I did!
⟐ I learnt that my opinions and thoughts counted just as much as his did in the relationship.
⟐ I learnt to ask for things that were important to me, even though he didn't agree or fully understand.
⟐ I accepted that I only needed his support, not his permission.
⟐ I stopped trying to change him and worked on loving and hearing myself more
I started my inner transformation work feeling selfish, unsure and wondering if it was worth it.
Little did I know that the work I was doing would permeate every aspect of my life - including my marriage
When you show up to the world differently, the way the world shows up for you changes.
That's why I will never shut up about the work I do and inviting others to begin their own inner journey (bonus, if it's with me!)
It's not selfish because you want to do it......I believe it's selfish if you feel called to do it and you ignore it.
Set up a clarity call with me if you have been wanting to embark on your own inner transformation. I have two spots available this month.