I Struggle With Making Friends and Here’s What I am Going To Do About It

Difficult truth time:

I have lots of friends in the virtual world, but I have always struggled with making friends where I physically live.   The friendships I have had in my neighborhood, I have always felt that something was missing.

My story is “I am an outsider” (because of cultural differences, physical differences etc) and when I see a group of women hanging out and doing fun things, a part of me has always been jealous that I am not part of that inner circle.

I have thought that I am just in a different vibration to them, and I have learnt over the years to recognize the pain and accept that maybe I will never have that be a part of my life.

I have tried hosting, inviting and putting myself out there.  I have also done an amazing job of self-sabotaging, by standing people up, subtly burning bridges, or sharing my truth, which has in turn pissed people off.   It has never felt sustainable. Nor have I ever had that feeling of “belonging” without having to try too hard or be someone I am not.  I am not looking for pity here, nor do I want to play the victim (you all know, that I DON’T do that).  But this area of my life continues to baffle me.

For example: A while back, I met a woman who I got along really well with.  She and I had great conversations, we hung out, had fun and there was zero drama.  But then, she disappeared out of the face of the Earth.  The awkward part, I still run into her and we smile at each other and say hi.  No more, no less.  I see her strike up conversations with others and to tell you all the truth, it hurts!  This is not the first time this has happened in my life.

I was listening to Gabby Bernstein’s new book Super Attractor today and one of the things she says is to truly appreciate and celebrate when others receive the things you want and desire.  To be genuinely happy for what they have.

Talk about a stretch!

For example, when you see someone receive money or going on that dream vacation, you celebrate their good fortune and be happy for them. Because the universe recognizes that celebration within you and will bestow the same upon you soon.

Listening to the book today, I realized that I have never appreciated or celebrated these women for what they have!!!!!!!!!! I have only ever felt the lack of it.  I have felt sorry for myself.  I have felt envious.  I have felt less than.  I have felt that something must be wrong with me.  I have protected myself.  I have soothed myself with talking to my inner child.  But I have never tried being happy for them.  Genuinely happy for these women who find so much comfort and support from one another.

So starting today I am going to begin being happy for each and every one of them, knowing that I too can have it!

Are any of you in the same boat?  Does my truth feel like your truth?

Tell me in the comments one thing you are going to start celebrating in your life, that until now you have only ever felt the lack of.